Today I spent the day at work. I create educational opportunities and events to encourage people to learn how climate change is relevant to them and what small steps they can take to reduce the damage their lifestyles inflict on the planet. This is the easiest thing I do in my life.
Today I lied to my boss. I told her that I needed a day off to help with a medical appointment with my daughter. In reality, my daughter had decided that NOW was the time for a new look that better matched how she wanted to appear and she’d asked for my help. This will require 7 hours of driving for a day-long trip. I never considered saying no.
Today I tried to explain to a scheduler at a doctor’s office that, as a cancer survivor, I need a mammogram done someplace that can give me instant analysis so that I don’t spend a week or two incapacitated by PTSD while I wait for results. I am 4 years behind in having my annual mammogram done. I had to explain that, too.
Today I told someone that being diagnosed and treated for cancer was easier than the worry and adjustments around I face as the mom of two adult transgender kids.
Today I listened to my mom tell me that she and my dad are heartbroken that my daughter won’t return text messages even though they are trying so hard and love her so much. I didn’t have a contingency plan for what to do if they accepted my children. I feel horrible about that.
Today I lectured my daughter about how she couldn’t retreat from the people who loved her. I also had to say that it wasn’t her responsibility to make it okay for other people as they processed their feelings. I am not good at following the instructions I gave for either of these these things.
Today I tried to separate the mental health issues both my kids face from their being hormonally challenged due to their meds and the fact that they have legitimate concerns about their safety. I suggested chocolate and booze as a treatment plan. For all of us.
Today I successfully avoided the news that regarding the murders of three men who were defending a minority in the neighborhood my kids live in. I know that both of my kids would have done the same thing. This is a proud and terrifying realization.
Today I cried while I looked at the website. Babewax is a trans-owned beauty mecca that offers patrons gender positive beauty treatments and the opportunity to “pay-it-forward” to trans-women who can’t afford waxing. I don’t have the money, but I will be donating.
Today when I sat down to eat my dinner, I could barely get food past the lump in my throat. When my partner asked if I was okay, I replied “It’s just been a long day. That’s all”.